By Charles Schaefer |
ove has been said to be the sole aim of human existence and the greatest source of human happiness and well-being. But television shows like “The Bachelorette” and “Joe Millionaire” emphasize the experience of falling in love, rather than portray what it means to truly love and be loved.
What is the essence of true love between two adults? I believe that, like a star, it has five brilliant points, so I call this the “Star” theory of love. The first three shining parts of the star are well known to most people: passion, intimacy and commitment. Passion refers to the sexual attraction and desire for physical closeness that you have for your loved one.
Intimacy involves sharing your most personal thoughts, feelings and wishes with your lover, coupled with a strong desire to know everything about the inner life of your loved one. It results in the feeling of emotional closeness between lovers.
When you truly love someone, you prize that person for who he or she is, not just for what that person can do. |
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Commitment means the decision or determination to maintain the relationship through the inevitable conflicts and travails that lie ahead. Commitment is the glue that sustains the relationship when it is buffeted about by inner and outer forces.
The last two components of true love are just as magnificent, namely, altruism and idealization. Altruism is the willingness to put the welfare of your lover on a par with your own well-being. Making sacrifices for your lover becomes a source of joy rather than resentment.
Idealization results in seeing your lover through rose-colored glasses. You see positive qualities that others, including your loved one, may overlook. Weaknesses in your lover, while noticed, are minimized. When you truly love someone, you prize that person for who he or she is, not just for what that person can do. You are and remain your lover’s biggest fan.
Lucky are those couples who share this special kind of love. It is a source of endless joy and beauty.
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